There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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