It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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