when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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