You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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