I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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