we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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