Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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