I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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