he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
