Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
