Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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