Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
