need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
