Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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