I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
