just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
