sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
