Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
