why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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