Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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