I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
