I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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