Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
