she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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