just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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