Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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