cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My vagina is very pro this idea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
