I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
