To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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