Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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