is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
