this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
