Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Come on in and take your pants off
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