I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
