i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
