The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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