guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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