The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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