Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize