How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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