Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize