You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
