I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
