My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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