if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
