Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
