I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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