Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
