So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
