Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
