Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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