Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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