I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
