his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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