it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
