he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
