that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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