I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize