I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
