Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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