Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
