Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
