Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
