Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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