anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
