I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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