No stitches, just platelets and will power
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
