I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
