When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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