It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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