The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
