you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my being single is dangerous.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
