I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
