If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
