i think my tv is drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think your dad took our porno
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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