I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So vagazzling was a success
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize