I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
