Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
