I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize