On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is wine microwaveable?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
