If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
