Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
