How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
smell my finger.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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