i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
