she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
