there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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