I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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