Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
