i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
