Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
