Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
