yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
