Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
