Got a toothbrush?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
