in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
