I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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